Despite the levity, Australia’s Giordano Nanni of Juice Media expresses genuine concern for what’s happening in America. —
No 2648 Posted by fw, July 31, 2020 —
“We’ve had so many Americans begging us to make an Honest Government Ad for their government. So we decided to give it a go. I hope we did your shit government justice. It almost makes ours feel benign by comparison. Despite the levity, we’re genuinely concerned about what’s happening in your country and we hope you and your loved ones are keeping safe. I hope this doesn’t come across as “FoReIgN InTeRfeReNcE!” If it does, well… let’s call it even… the US Government has been interfering with our shit here ever since 1975, when it helped to oust our Prime Minister, Gough Whitlam. But on a more serious note: even though we’re all the way down here in Australia, the result of this election will impact everyone on earth. In terms of climate action alone, this could be the most important election of our lifetimes. So I figure it’s one of those all hands on deck, let’s lend a hand to our friends in the USA – kind of thing. Thanks to JamesFromTheInternet who contributed writing to this episode. It’s awesome to collaborate with a local from the US and I hope we’ll be able to bring you more of these together. I’ll include some sources and references in the video description for those who want them.” — 💛 Giordano Nanni, The Juice Media
Giordano Nanni is a historian, writer and satirist. He completed a PhD in history, writing about settler-colonialism. He is also co-founder of Australia’s The Juice Media. To read more about Juice Media and Giordano, and to access more Juice satirical videos, here’s the link to its website: https://www.thejuicemedia.com/.
Below is my repost of the embedded You Tube 3:00-minute video of Juice Media’s A message from the White House, along with my transcript, including three added hyperlinks.
Hello. I’m from the US Government with an update on our pandemic response. In the space of just a few months our “Don’t Worry Bro It’s Just the Flu Policy” has gotten a shit ton of you killed. Some say this tragedy was inevitable. But actually, studies show that if we’d simply responded like other governments who listened to scientists instead of Chuck Woolery and the My Pillow Guy, we could have prevented almost all of those deaths.
Unfortunately for you, the amount of responsibility we take in doing our job comes to approximately – fuck all! Which is why we got more of you killed than 50 Nine Elevens [September 11, 2001 attacks].
TRUMP 2020. — With a President like this, who needs terrorists?
As part of our “Distract From How Many of You We’re Getting Killed Policy” we’ll be telling you the real threat to America is minorities demanding not to be murdered by cops. And to make you feel safe, we’ve deployed a secret police force to kidnap people off your streets without probable cause. Some call that taking a dump on the Constitution, but we call it LAW AND ORDER.
Thanks to the well-armed militias cheering us on, as we literally do the one thing the 2nd Amendment was supposed to prevent. [In simple terms — A well regulated Militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed].
What’s that, people are looting in the streets? Oh darling… the real looting is the one we’re doing right here as part of our “Exploit this Crisis to Funnel Wealth from the Poor to the Rich Policy.”
Like, remember when we told you Covid was no big deal so we could buy ourselves just enough time to sell off our personal stocks before the crash which we knew was coming? Phew!
Or when we passed the biggest bailout package in history, which funnelled shit tons to corporations in easily forgivable loans.
We even gave billions to churches bankrupted by sex abuse scandals.
Even the Ayn “I-love-small-government” Rand Institute got some of the loot.
But hey, don’t forget that single barely-above-the-minimum-wage check we sent you. You know, the one you simply handed over to your landlord to pay the rent, who in turn handed it to a bank to pay their mortgage. Which is how we laundered another trillion dollars to banks through the working class.
PROFITS MADE, PROFITS KEPT.
Now millions of you face homelessness and 1 in 5 families are going hungry. But look on the bright side. Billionaires regain half a trilling dollars of their wealth.
WE’RE NOT IN THIS TOGETHER.
If you survive till November, be sure to re-elect us so we can get the rest of you killed in the looming climate and extinction crisis. You know – that other crisis we’re ignoring and plan to profit from obscenely at your expense.
TRUMP 2020! FUCK YOU!
Of course we realize that after lying to you, robbing you and getting your loved one killed, some of you might be contemplating not voting for us. But don’t worry, that’s why we’ve adopted our “De-registered Millions of You Policy, ” as well as our “Close Polling Stations”, “File Lawsuits”, and “Let’s Spread Bullshit About Voter Fraud Policy.” And if that’s still not enough, well maybe we’ll just cancel the election.
Now get back to work, America. Our stocks won’t make themselves go up, you pieces of shit.
God bless America. (Except Portland and Chicago).
Authorized by the Department for Sacrificing School Teachers to the Great Bull God to Make Line Go Up.
END 3:00 min
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