Citizen Action Monitor

Hilarious, mocking Rap News video of failed Israel-Palestine peace talks

Comedy cast portray Netanyahu, Kerry, Hamas ‘terrorist’, US news anchor, and more, including cameo appearance by Norman Finkelstein

No 1045 Posted by fw, May 3, 2014

“Decades of failed peace talks have led nowhere; but do not lose hope just yet. Join Robert Foster as he attempts to host the first ever Middle East Peace Raps, using rhyme and reason to bring together Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu, and a representative of Hamas. We investigate the key arguments, counter-arguments and ad-hominems from both sides. But the picture would not be complete without a thorough discussion of “America’s last taboo”, as Edward Said once referred to it: the USA’s role as Israel’s best (and only) buddy in the world (Ok, together with Australia). Featuring special cameos from prominent American Jewish scholar, Dr. Norman Finkelstein, and Palestinian rap legends, DAM, this is an episode for the ages. Join us as we bravely (or perhaps stupidly) take on one of the most bitter, divisive and controversial conflicts of our times: Israel & Palestine.”

The embedded 8:18-minute video below is followed by my transcript copied directly from onscreen subtitles.

Important viewing note: To enable subtitles on the video, click on the ‘CC’ icon, second from the left, at the bottom right of the video screen. In addition, some browsers, e.g. Chrome, enable changing the Speed of the voice track by clicking on the ‘Settings/Speed’ icon to the right of the CC icon.

Israel vs Palestine, featuring DAM and Norman Finkelstein, Published by thejuicemedia, April 24, 2014

Join us as we bravely (or perhaps stupidly) take on one of the most bitter, divisive and controversial conflicts of our times: Israel & Palestine.



News announcer –
Good afternoon, Rap News is back online.
Today we take on and analyze one of the most intractable, divisive
ongoing violent divides to happen in our time:
the sixty-year conflict going on betwixt Israel and Palestine.
Is there a One State, Two State, or no straight solution to this protracted fight?
From Camp David to Madrid, Taba to Oslo, for decades back in time
all peace-talks have devolved into violent rows
and roadmaps to peace have led nowhere but more war. Until now.
Welcome to the first Middle East Peace Raps, this afternoon.
Rap News is proud of this tremendous chance to prove
that the peace-filled art of rap could chart the best road-map to start anew.
So, first up, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

Netanyahu –
Shalom! Bibi been ready this whole time
to engage the peace process with war crimes…I mean raw rhymes.

News announcer –
Alright, well, we’d like to bring the whole story to light
please begin by telling us Israel’s side. How did this war arise?

Netanyahu –
The fact is, my people have suffered awful tragedies
centuries of persecution, diaspora; we were slaughtered, massacred
in the Shoah, Hitler tried to have us wiped of the map.
And thus we sought a safe harbour; a place to gather us.
Some told is “go to Argentina”; others, “go to Uganda”.
But we said, “go fuck yourselves”, and like Exodus we came back
to our biblical homeland: Eretz Ysrael, which the Lord handed us.
And then in 1948 we declared the birth of the Jewish State.

News announcer –
Your people have indeed suffered massively, unimaginably
and should have sanctuary, not just in the Middle East, but wherever they happen to be.
However, isn’t the Holy Land holy also to Christians and Muslims?
How can you claim that only Jews own the land, and exclude them?

Netanyahu –
With the Six Day War, we fulfilled our Zionist covenant,
invaded Jerusalem, the West Bank, Golan and Gaza, taking all of it.

News announcer –
The “occupied territories…”

Netanyahu –
Then on the seventh day we rested.
And when all the world’s nations witnessed this great event, they…

News announcer –
Condemned it?

Netanyahu –

News announcer –
It seems the U.N. issued Resolution 242…

Netanyahu –
Oy vey!

News announcer –
calling on Israel to give back those territories and withdraw troops…

Netanyahu –
Hey, hey!
Are you denying the legitimacy of the Jewish State?

News announcer –
Er…I’m just trying to,,,

Netanyahu –

News announcer –

Netanyahu –
Everybody! This guy’s a Nazi!

News announcer –
Ok, ok…just let’s relax…

Netanyahu –

News announcer –
We’ve yet to ask the rival party.
We now cross direct to Gaza to check the raps
of a Palestinian spokesperson, representing Hamas.

Hamas spokesman —
Salam! As you can see, we are ready to talk peace.
But only within the 1967 borders… will we recognize Israel, and sign deals.

Netanyahu –
Oh yeah? Recognize THIS! (Presses red button and Hamas spokesperson is blown away in an explosive burst of fire)
KAPOW! Hamas? Now he looks more like hummus!
What a mess!

News announcer –
Mr. Netanyahu, you killed him.

Netanyahu –
I guess!
But it was in self-defence.

News announcer –
No it wasn’t…

Netanyahu –
Yes it was. Yes!
Check out the news coverage from the U.S.

Brian Washington, MSMBS News –
I’m Brian Washington; you’re on MSMBS.
Tonight’s Headlines: Peace Process shattered yet again
by unprovoked attacks from A-rab terrorists.
Israel retaliates with airstrikes – in self-defence.
Meanwhile, in the West Bank, Palestinian suicide homes
are ramming themselves into peaceful Israeli bulldozers.
Israel’s underthreat; which is why, as shown on this map,
its settlements have umm…steadily expanded.
How can we end this injustice?
To explain we welcome John Kerry: Settler-tray of State.

John Kerry –
Great to be back, Bucky, and don’t you stress a bit
American taxpayers have got Israel covered til armageddon hits.
No country gets more US foreign aid sent to it,
a hundred and forty billion dollars since the seventies,
plus military weaponry. No conditions or strings with it

Brian Washington, MSMBS News –
No conditions at all?

John Kerry –
Well, we would prefer it better if they could kindly stop
using our money to build new illegal settlements…

Netanyahu –
What did you say, you schmuck?

John Kerry –
Bibi!…oh, haha, no, I was just telling them…

Netanyahu –
Just keep sending the money, shmekeleh?

John Kerry –
Yessir! We’ll write the cheque.

Brian Washington, MSMBS News –
Wait, we’re getting a call from some Jewish guy in Brooklyn,
he’s on the line with us

Netanyahu –
An American Jew? He’s bound to be pro-Zionist!
Let him speak.

Norman Finkelstein –
Hello, MSMBS?

Brian Washington, MSMBS News –
Yes? You’re on the screen.

Norman Finkelstein –
This is Norman Finkelstein,
ringing in to state the truth in this case:
Israel is a Lunatic State.
It’s no excuse, to steal Palestinian land
because Jews suffered genocide at Hitler’s hand.

Netanyahu –
Hah! A self-hating Jew! Everybody, this guy’s an Ashke-NAZI!

Norman Finkelstein –
Shut up, Bibi. And I also condemn American policy of funding the theft of Palestinian territories…

Brian Washington, MSMBS News –
Ok, Funkelstein, we get the gist of all this!
How where were we; financing war crimes?

John Kerry –
That’s a straight fact

Brian Washington, MSMBS News –
Well done, America.

John Kerry –
Thank AIPAC, they got us by the taint sac
so we have to wave that star of David flag

Brian Washington, MSMBS News –
But it’s worth paying cash to have Israel’s back

John Kerry –
That’s true: They’re the only nation in the Muslim backwoods
that shares our American values.

Brian Washington, MSMBS News –
Give us some examples…

Netanyahu —
We both love trampling international law…

John Kerry –
We’re both nuclear states…and “Democracies”.

Netanyahu —
With terrorist foreign policies

John Kerry –
And obviously…

Netanyahu –
Both America and Israel…

John Kerry —
Were built by occupying territories of native peoples.

Kerry and Netanyahu together –
We’re both settler colonies…

Brian Washington, MSMBS News –
Awesome! …publicity time! Keep your eyes on the screen

Scarlett Johansson –
Hey, I’m Scarlett Johansson
and my real job is promoting illegal occupations.
It’s easy: you start by taking other peoples’ lands and water;
send in Zionist settlers…
push the natives out of their homes causing bloodshed;
And look: Settler’s Dream. Better for Israel, and all of us.

Brian Washington, MSMBS News –
Mmmm. Scarjo…looks delicious And what’s more,
it reminds me of our very own sponsor
Redskin Geno-cider: “flavour of the American nation…”

John Kerry
Bloody good

Netanyahu –

Back to the first News announcer –
So Israel is a settler-colony, like Canada, America and…

Ken Oathcarn –

News announcer –
Our colonial assessor, is in the area!
does Israel pass the test, Ken Oathcarn?

Ken Oathcarn –
Ken Oathcarn, yeah
I’m in Jerusalem

News announcer –
And what’s going on over there?

Ken Oathcarn –
I’m celebrating the day of Israel’s birth Yom Ha’atzmaut,
which roughly translates to ‘Australia Day’!
and Wow! It’s like back home: Barbies! flags! beer!
So in solidarity I got the end of me knob chopped off, it’s patriotic apparently.

News announcer –
What do Palestinians make of this day?

News announcer –
I dunno, ey… Hmm…perhaps you should ask them

Ken Oathcarn –
Ok. I’ll ask the natives. Wait…
Oi, hello? Can you hear me?

Three Palestinian men

Ken Oathcarn –
Key! How do you celebrate this wonderful day?

Palestinians –
We natives participate with smiling face in this part, mate,
just like your Aboriginal people on ‘Invasion Day’>
I was cast out from the lands of my mom and my father
now I dance as an outcast to the Bombs over Gaza
[in Arabic with English subtitles]
And we sing, ‘Israel: your independence is our Catasrophe’
[in English]
And we sing: ‘Israel: Your independence is our Nakba.

Ken Oathcarn –
Sounds great! I love a party with a sback-bar.

Palestinians –
Not a snack-bar, Crockodile Dundee… Nakba…
It means ‘catastrophe’

Ken Oathcarn –

Palestinians –
It’s far from the truth. We are far from home, as Zionism is far from Jews
how can I explain to you… We lost our rights that day… and our barbecues!

Ken Oathcarn –
No barbies? That’s a tragedy. How can we help you’se?

Palestinians —
[ARABIC] You should BDS, it means boycott, that’s the solution
So those who travel to enjoy Tel Aviv are viewed the same
as those who travelled to enjoy South Africa.
Your country is driven by crazy settler’s mentality.
And we are demanding a country that has sanity and logic in it
Not a country just for the Jews,
but a country for Jews, Christians AND Muslims.
For Yossi, for Abound for Jeries and for Mel Gibson.
What the fuck! What has Mel Gibson got to do with it?

News announcer –
Well… it seems that despite the use of rap and rhyme
we’ve failed to seal a real peace deal between Israel and Palestine.
Nevertheless, I hope we’ve expanded our minds,
and are prepared to share some final thoughts before we wrap for the night.
This might seem like some battle entwining other people, in another time,
but in fact it mirrors back our own greatest challenge:
to live side by side,
no matter race, flags, or which invisible man me pray to in the sky.
And that is why there’ll be peace nowhere, until there’s peace in Palestine.
‘The Wall is over – if we want it’, to borrow Lennon’s line
It was pressure from outside that ended the crime of apartheid;
that turned terrorists into winners of the Peace Prize.
The question is, can we learn history’s lessons
and apply them in our time?
When we analyse our direction, it’s clear the answers lie.
Does any State hold the power to change the tide?
Or is the One Safe solution for us to unify rather than divide,
Not just in the Middle East but globally, far and wide?



Written & created by Giordano Nanni & Hugo Farrant in a suburban backyard home studio in Melbourne, Australia, on Wurundjeri Land.
MUSIC: Main beat: “Look Away” by Profetesa:

About DAM — The first Palestinian hip hop crew and among the first to rap in Arabic, began working together in the late 1990s. Struck by the uncanny resemblance of the reality of the streets in a Tupac video to the streets in their own neighborhood of Lyd, Tamer Nafar, Suhell Nafar, Mahmoud Jreri were inspired to tell their stories through hip hop.

After their timely song “Min Irhabi” (“Who’s the terrorist”) was downloaded over a million times shortly after its internet release in 2001, DAM became a household name among youth throughout the Middle East. Rolling Stone in France distributed the song free in one of their issues, and the song has been featured in various compilations.

Ten years of performing all over the world has strengthened DAM’s commitment to continue living in their hometown of Lyd – fifteen minutes from Tel Aviv – working to provide the youth of the city and neighboring communities with programs and opportunities that have otherwise been denied to Palestinian citizens of Israel. In addition, they have conducted workshops for young people from the West Bank to the US, Canada, and Europe.

DAM’s music is a unique fusion of east and west, combining Arabic percussion rhythms, Middle Eastern melodies, and urban hip hop. Their work has been influenced by artists as varied as Ghassan Kanafani, Ahlam Mosteghanemi, Mahmoud Darwish, Naji al Ali, Tupac, Biggie, Public Enemy, MBS, K’naan, and Pharoahe Monch.

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This entry was posted on May 3, 2014 by in anti-war action, creative protest and tagged , .
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